A Simple Framework to Slow Down Your Thinking and Make Better Choices

There’s one question that, if you held onto it for an entire year, would free up an incredible amount of your time:

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What do you know for sure?

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That one question for self-reflection can change everything without changing anything. From clean thinking comes your next right action. From unclean thinking comes your next wrong action, over and over and over.

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It got me thinking about how often this plays out at work, especially when we’re stressed.

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The short answer: The thought cycle shows how one event leads to thinking, then feelings, then actions, then results. Stress usually comes from our thinking about an event, not the event itself. By asking “What do you know for sure?” at the moment of stress, you get down to the facts, feel more neutral, and choose your next right action instead of your next wrong one.

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The thought cycle

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I like to slow it down with something called the thought cycle. Some people call it the events cycle. It works like this:

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1. Event: Something happens.

2.Thinking: The story you tell yourself about it.

3. Feeling: What your body feels as a result of that story.

4. Action: What you do next.Result: What you get.

5. Feeling: What your body feels as a result of that story.Action: What you do next.Result: What you get.

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The cycle shows how the same event can lead to drastically different results, depending on whether you stop and ask what you know for sure.

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Let’s walk through one event two ways.

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The event: your boss calls to check on a project

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Anybody ever had that happen in their career? Same event, two very different days.

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Version 1: Reality-based thinking

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My boss calls. I answer and say, “How’s it going?”

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They ask, “Hey, how are you coming on that project?”

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I check, and I see it’s behind. So I just tell the truth: “You know what? I’m behind.”

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My boss says, “I’ve noticed you’re behind on a lot of things.”

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I look at my status report and see a lot of red. “I’ve noticed that about myself too. Good observation.”

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“That project has become a priority. Can you catch it up by Thursday? The next level of leadership wants to see where we’re at.”

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“Oh, I didn’t realize it was a priority. I’ll take that, rearrange, talk to the team, and we’ll get it caught up. Thanks. Anything else you need?”

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“No, that’s it.”

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Phone goes down. What a beautiful experience. A good check-in, a clear update, and on to the next thing. Peaceful.

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Now let’s be honest. Is that how most calls from the boss go in our heads when we’re behind on something?

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Version 2: The story takes over

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Boss calls to check on a project. First, I see their name pop up and think, “Oh my gosh.”

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I answer. “How are you coming on that project?”

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And then, boom, the story hits. I see it’s behind, and my thinking takes off:

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Oh no, they found out. This is the one thing we’re behind on, and of course it’s the main thing. This feels a little suspicious. This boss is a micromanager. Treats us like children. Doesn’t trust that we’re on it. And they just mentioned budget cuts and some rearranging. This might be targeted. That would be the third project cancelled this year, which is most of my projects. Then they’ll realize I don’t do that much around here. Am I going to get fired? I’ve got kids in vet school who want to help the pandas in East Asia, and now the pandas in East Asia are going to die.

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Sorry to share what goes on in my head when I’m stressed. But some version of that pattern is in there for most of us, and it usually ends with “Am I getting fired?”

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How the story turns into results

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Here’s what happens next, all from the same event:

• Feeling: I’m stressed and anxious. It feels like this person is breathing down my neck. In that moment, I might not even like my job very much.
• Action: I make excuses, or I blame others: “The real problem is that operations didn’t, marketing didn’t, and the customer hasn’t.” Now I’m pointing fingers.
• Result: Meanwhile, my manager was just trying to knock out a quick one-minute check-in. Fifteen minutes later, I’m still spinning, worried about being fired, and I can’t give a simple update.

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So what did I just reinforce? That maybe I’m the one who should get fired. I co-created exactly what I didn’t want, because I was spinning.

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Same event. Drastically different result.

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You can’t stop the events, but you can question your thinking

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A lot of people put their energy into stopping the events:

• How do I stop my boss from checking on projects?
• How do I stop escalations from happening?

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Have you noticed they keep happening anyway?

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The real impact we have is in the moment the event happens. Can we question everything we think, especially when it’s stressful?

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When I ask “What do you know for sure?”, I get down to the facts. I feel more neutral. I make a better decision, and it leads to a better result: my next right action instead of my next wrong one.

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Small moments stack up

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That’s one example from a normal day. Now think about how many of those moments are in a normal work week. A check-in, an email, a meeting invite, a comment in passing.

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Each one either spins you up or moves you forward. Over a week, a month, or a year, those moments stack.

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So the next time you feel the stress rising, slow it down. Ask yourself one question: What do I know for sure?

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Want more tools for ditching the drama at work? My new book, How We Could, is a national bestseller. Follow me on LinkedIn, Instagram, and TikTok for new ones every week.

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Frequently asked questions

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What is the thought cycle?

The thought cycle is a framework showing how an event leads to thinking, thinking leads to feelings, feelings drive actions, and actions create results. It explains why the same event can produce very different outcomes depending on how we think about it.

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How do I stop overthinking at work?

Ask yourself, “What do I know for sure?” The question separates the facts from the story you’re telling yourself, which calms the stress response and helps you choose a better next action.

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Why do I get so stressed when my boss checks in?

Usually it isn’t the check-in itself but the story you attach to it, such as “They don’t trust me” or “I’m about to get fired.” When you stick to the facts, most check-ins are simple, neutral conversations.

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How can I make better decisions under stress?

Slow down your thinking before you act. Notice the story, get down to the facts, and then decide. Clean thinking leads to your next right action, while unclean thinking leads to your next wrong one.

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Who is Alex Dorr?

Alex Dorr is a leadership expert, CEO of Reality-Based Leadership, and author of the national bestseller How We Could. A Certified Speaking Professional, he delivers keynotes and workshops that help leaders and teams eliminate workplace drama and get back to doing great work.