EPISODE
119: Why Good Leadership Advice Drifts to Bad Leadership Behavior
In this episode, I explore a fascinating idea about near and far enemies and how it links to leadership and the tendency for even the best leadership tips, tools and advice to accidentally get used in the wrong way. This episode dives deep into the deeper parts of ditching the drama that leaders may feel they are coaching well on moving people past the key sources of drama - lack of accountability, ego-based behaviors such as venting, resisting change and lack of alignment to decisions - but missing massive opportunities because they are labeling too soon behaviors from their team as simply "sources of drama". Understanding the near enemy or the patterns that look like drama, but may actually be real nuanced concerns coming from your team will allow you to take your leadership to the next level and continue to modernize how you lead.
Episode Highlights:
00:01:16 – Setting up the topic: why good leadership advice can accidentally create bad leadership
00:01:33 – Introducing the Buddhist concept of "near and far enemies"
00:02:41 – Client call story: bringing up "structure" with a fast-scaling, innovation-driven team
00:04:22 – Near enemy example #1: empathy vs. sympathy
00:05:42 – Near enemy example #2: discipline vs. rigidity
00:06:56 – The Olympic athlete "no noise after 8pm" story
00:08:06 – Back to the client: renaming "structure" to get buy-in
00:08:58 – Connecting the pattern to Reality Based Leadership's four sources of drama
00:10:04 – Near enemy example #3: shutting down venting vs. shutting down real concerns
00:11:47 – Near enemy example #4: wholehearted buy-in vs. conditional buy-in
00:13:04 – Near enemy example #5: drama-free culture vs. drama-avoidant culture
00:14:16 – Near enemy example #6: accountability vs. overfunctioning/burnout
00:15:32 – How We Could book plug and Mel Robbins endorsement
00:17:30 – Real session story: a team member's "conditional buy-in" moment and the negative brainstorming tool
00:22:58 – Closing reflection: spotting your own near enemies over the next two weeks
Latest episodes
124: When to Move From Coaching to Performance Management as a Leader
Many leaders struggle with knowing when it is time to coach and when the issues they are experiencing with a team member have drifted into a performance issue that calls for performance management. In this episode, Alex Dorr, CEO of Reality Based Leadership, shares a Reality-Based approach to help you make that distinction, along with several tools to coach or manage performance based on the conversation you need to have.
Episode Highlights:
00:00:18 Why this episode: when to coach vs. manage performance
00:01:06 The dirty secret: the tools only work with the willing
00:03:40 When coaching works and when it doesn’t
00:05:28 The five-step process
00:06:46 Step 1: Diagnose story, relationship, or performance
00:11:40 Step 2: The Edit Your Story tool
00:14:07 Step 3: The Feedback Frame
00:19:43 Step 4: Seven performance conversation questions
00:21:51 The Performance Coaching Agreement
00:26:06 Final reflection: your next right conversation
123: How We Could Book Series Part 3: Leadership Tools to Coach Your Team to Accountability
Get your copy of How We Could for you and your teams today at:
Amazon - https://www.amazon.com/How-Could-Framework-Alignment-Greatness/dp/B0GRWV76P5
Barnes & Noble - https://www.barnesandnoble.com/w/how-we-could-alex-dorr/1149680412?ean=9798886455168&utm_source=website&utm_medium=book_page&utm_campaign=how_we_could&utm_content=barnesandnoble
Bookshop.org - https://bookshop.org/p/books/how-we-could-the-framework-to-lead-without-drama-build-alignment-and-call-teams-to-greatness-alex-dorr/d73c23906d4a61a0?ean=9798886455168&next=t?utm_source=website&utm_medium=book_page&utm_campaign=how_we_could&utm_content=bookshop
Books-A-Million - https://www.booksamillion.com/p/How-We-Could/Alex-Dorr/9798886455168?utm_content=bookshop
Here is a link to the tools mentioned in this podcast:
SBAR tool - https://info.realitybasedleadership.com/tool
Thinking Inside-the-Box tool - https://info.realitybasedleadership.com/box
Negative Brainstorming tool - https://youtu.be/AV6n69QCVnY?si=q7r_pglJsatIb-l2
Or grab all of the Toolkit tutorial videos, PDF and the new Call to Greatness Toolkit that accompanies the book here:
https://info.realitybasedleadership.com/greatness
In Part 3 of his How We Could Book Club Podcast Series, Alex Dorr shares his favorite quotes, insights, and lessons from the final section of his new book. In this episode, you'll learn three tools that help your team move forward productively even when facing resistance to change and uncertainty. It's a motivating listen for anyone looking to lead their team differently through ambiguity.
Episode Highlights:
00:01:25 - How the book took three years and is packed with real case studies
00:02:10 - Recap: the three parts of How We Could (loving up, calling up, answering the call)
00:04:26 - Introducing Part 3: answering the call to greatness
00:04:51 - Why fear is what really holds people back from taking action
00:07:07 - The three tools for next right action: SBAR, thinking inside the box, negative brainstorming
00:10:34 - When to use each tool
00:13:39 - Deep dive: how the SBAR cuts down workplace drama
00:19:30 - Deep dive: why "thinking inside the box" drives real innovation
00:22:39 - Deep dive: negative brainstorming and the Dr. Smith story
00:27:06 - Wrapping up Part 3 and celebrating the book launch
122: How We Could Book Series Part 2 - Calling People Up to Clarify the Problem, Take Accountability and Build Alignment on Your Team
In this episode, Alex Dorr breaks down his favorite quotes and insights from Part 2 of How We Could. You'll learn practical ways to clean up your thinking, build real accountability across your team, and make sure people are in the right role for what the situation actually requires. This is part two of a three-part series digging into the sections of the book that didn't make the final cut, sharing Alex's exclusive insights to enrich your reading experience.
Pre-order How We Could for you and your team (official release date is September 22nd): https://www.realitybasedleadership.com/pre-order
Episode Highlights:
00:00:18 – Welcome and episode intro
00:01:42 – Recap of Part 1 and transition into Part 2
00:04:04 – Part 2 begins: calling people up to greatness
00:04:22 – Step two overview: cleaning up thinking
00:09:34 – Why the five-step sequence matters (the "secret sauce")
00:14:17 – Diving into clean thinking: ego, stories, and facts
00:20:24 – Step three: accounting for our part in the mess
00:24:41 – Breaking down accountability: account + ability
00:27:30 – Step four: knowing your role in the solution
00:34:05 – Non-negotiables, procedures, and avoiding burnout
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